Visit fabulous Ohio… or not. Just get the tee-shirt from the link to the website I posted somewhere on here. Beware, two feet of snow will soon blanket you until you’re knee deep in a suburban, winter wonderland. I shoveled for two hours yesterday and my entire body hurts! My oh my!

While you’re snowed in, here’s a totally lazy and half assed list of the best, ridiculous gore and horror C- films to keep your forced candy ass busy:

I watched Leprechaun yesterday… it came out some time in the early 90’s. It stars the young and (omgz) BRUNETTE Jennifer Aniston and some macho house painter guy in a cut off purple dress shirt. It’s basically about this mentally retarded fellow who opens a magical crate containing a leprechaun and accidentally eats a piece of his gold. This creates a complete fiasco which sets up the plot for the movie (AHHH RUN AWAYYYYYY ITS THE HOMICIDAL LEPRECHAUN!) The leprechaun is sort of hideous, but takes on this kind of Irish Chucky doll vibe. You know, short, orange… creepy? Exactly. If you throw shoes at him, though, he has to stop to polish them, as he is a cobbler by trade. Get a hold of this, please.

The Gingerdead Man is another winner, a belated holiday treat starring the fabulous GARY BUSEY! The plot involves a vengeful dead crook’s soul being magically baked into a deformed cookie. Another fantastically ridiculous flick for you to enjoy with a cup of milk and some leftover holiday cookies, perhaps?

Riki-Oh! is my favorite Asian film of all time, up there with Shogun Assassin. It’s about a superhuman prisoner in a privatized prison in the “FUTURE.” Ricky causes all sorts of prison trouble. Don’t miss this gore-whore treat, seriously. It involves spectacular effects including giant rubber monsters, rubber limbs, oodles of fake blood, some hilarious fight scenes and a surprise trans gender character.

Apparently there is an actual film called “Monster Turd,” but I have yet to come into contact with it. I’ll wear gloves slathered in Lysol.

So, enjoy these few gems. They’re good “curl up and fall asleep or sleep with someone in the middle of it because you’re not missing much” kind of films. Perfect for winter, mhm.